I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
