I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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