Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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