last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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