so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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