Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
