If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
