he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
