fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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