so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
