her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
