not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
