She went from zero to smokin in five shots
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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