Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
