I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wish there were birth control emojis
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
