I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
