Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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