I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
