woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
