is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
