I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
