half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
