I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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