Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
