I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
