I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
