so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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