I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
