My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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