she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
