she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
