I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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