we're blogging at a bar
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
