the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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