did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
