So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
