I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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