thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
