ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
