i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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