Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
