Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
