he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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