bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
