Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize