I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize