Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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