I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
