sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
