Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.