That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
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He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN