did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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