If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.