I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.