He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex