It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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