You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I cockslap morals
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special