I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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