Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
