On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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