I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
