Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
