let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
