wrigley field is MILF paradise
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
vagina is talking i cant
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize