We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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