It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
