I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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