you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Houston, we have a squirter
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
