I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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