If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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