hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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