I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have post one night stand depression
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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