ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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