i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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