I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
