For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
