yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
