You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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