we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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