hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
