we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
