you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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